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| Do I Really Love Him? |
| by Phia |
| I had this guy friend of mine. We'd been frinds for a while. My friend Maya out of the blue one day tells me she likes him and I think "Good for him! Now he can finally get a girl!" She and him go out for a while and slowly I start to develop this awkward flirty relationship with him. I ignore it. The my friend Maya is PMS and watching The Notebook and she breaks up with him on a whim. A little while later she calls him and tells him it was a big mistake and she loves him and wants them to be together. He says he doesn't want to since she has doubts and that's the end of that. Over the next month we start talking a lot, we IM for 5 hours everyday and we're getting really close. So a couple nights ago we have one of our small group of friends get togethers at my place and we are sort of flirty but for the most part we act as if we aren't close at all. It makes me really confused but I figure I'll ask him about it later. At a point in the night I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and my frien Maya sneaks in and starts having a freak out. She asks me if she looks okay and I say yes and she breathes a sigh of relief. When I ask her why she says "Because I'm still in love with him! I love him so much!" I tell her not to worry, pat her arm, and then she leaves. In that single moment I lost all confidence in myself, I start to wonder if he finds me annoying talking to him for hours everyday, I start to realize how weird it would be if I went out with him and Maya found out. I didn't lose my first love; I gave up on it. No matter how much I love him, I have a pact as her friend and I can't tell him how I feel until she doesn't love him anymore. But if she loves him like I do then how can I ever expect her to stop? |
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