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| Still in Love with You |
| by Shirl |
Every night I dream of you. Because of those dreams, I wake up in the morning with red eyes and heavy bags. I cannot help myself from these dreams no matter how much I wish I could. These dreams are mixtures of memories of us and dreams of us. I first met you over a year ago, introduced to you by mutual friends. The instant you stepped into my life, I fell for you. I chided myself at such foolish thinking. You were a year older and I had just met you. Besides, there were many other girls chasing after you, why would you pick me? Before I ever had a chance to think over whether I wanted to tell you my feelings or not, you left for another city, more than a six-hour drive away. Now my hopes were crushed and I forgot you. Then, this year, you came rushing back into my life, chatting with me online- flirting with me, teasing me, acting like I was someone that really mattered to you. I was overjoyed that you chose me. Out of all those girls you could have chosen, you chose... me. My heart melted to you. The more I learned about you, the more you seemed the guy of my dreams. You fit every detail but you were too far away. Suddenly, it seemed as if God granted me a prayer and you came back to my area. Our first kiss was heaven to me. I had never felt such a fluttering sensation before. My heart jumped and skipped beats happily knowing that you were mine. Little did I know that it was to be our last. After that day, we never had a chance to meet again. We started becoming distant. You never replied my phone calls and I was hurt by the promises you made to call me back. When I brought this up, you pushed me away, saying you had your own life and you needed space. You requested that I not call you for a while and then everything would be fine again. I obeyed your wishes and kept my itching fingers off the phone. When you finally said I could call again, I found you more distant than ever. When you told me that you were busy and you promised me that you would call back, I made a promise to myself. If you didn't call back, this would be it, our relationship would be over. If you did, I'd forgive you for the past. I waited a whole day before calling you. You told me you were sorry. "Well hey, you know what? I saw your promotion picture online. That was interesting." You tried changing the subject. I was hurt even more by this statement however. "You saw my picture and you never once thought to call me?" I couldn't believe you. When asked if you were busy or something that day, you replied no. I couldn't take it. I hung up on you and broke everything online because I couldn't face to have you hear my sobs. Now, I'm regretting my decision. All my girlfriends tell me you aren't worth my tears but I can't stop crying. My girlfriends tell me no girl deserves to be treated the way you treated me but I don't see the negative side of you. All I see now are my tears and how you were the guy of my dreams... and how I let you go. You've already forgotten about me, no longer care about me... but me... I'm still in love with you.
Allen, if you're reading this... I just want to say that no matter how I try getting over you, I can't. I hope you believe me because one more day without you is another night that I wish for you to be mine again.
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