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| Heart full of rain |
| by Radha |
It is raining today.I can only think about Rob.I met him three years back.His smile was what first got me.Then I was lost.My days consisted of wondering if I was going to run into him,thinking if I could get away by making a casual phone call,or arranging to be where he was.Every conversation was filled with hidden meanings,but I just could not tell him how I felt.He had a girlfriend.They went thru a breakup and I hoped I would get a chance.But his heart was too bruised to notice me.We continued talking many times.I became someone he could talk too.We started flirting.Slowly I became bolder.I started hinting at my feelings for him.To my delight,he responded and hinted that he felt an attraction to me too.I was lost in these wonderful exhilarating thoughts of being with him.One day we were talking and,downplaying my feelings,I said I was almost over him but just needed one thing from him.He said what is that.I said-just one kiss.To my surprise he pulled me towards him and kissed me.I had butterflies in my stomach.I could not stop smiling that day.
Soon I had a rude awakening.He called one day and said he was back with this girl who had caused him so much pain.He realized he was taking a risk,but felt he had to be with her.I felt so sad,but there was nothing I could do.They got married.When I saw her,I just could not see what the attraction was.I was better for him in every way,but Rob could not see that.They started to have problems and arguments.He would still turn to me when he needed to talk.Strangely enough,he even started becoming more flirtatious and, having all the hopelessly in love feelings that I had,I was unable to resist him.I gave in and the intimate encounters with him were amazing and addictive.I was like a helpless object.I knew it was wrong but could not escape.I cherished the memories of every touch and kiss and word.Then one day I woke up.My feelings had not changed,but I could not deny how wrong this was.I asked Rob if he ever felt guilty,but he said no.His motto was carpe diem...seize the day,or the opportunity ,in this case.I decided I could not do this anymore.Though he was still in my heart and filled my thoughts,I knew I had to give it up.
And so I did.It was so painful,because I still run into him all the time.I look into his eyes and feel I am falling again.Alicia Keys song keeps coming into my head-I keep on falling in and out of love with you.
Rob you will always have a place in my heart,but I have to let you go because underneath it all I know you could never be mine
To Rob,i love you
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