|In My Heart He Stays|
|It was a Friday morning, Just like any weekday I had|
to get up and rush around for school. I was a senior
in college and looking forward to graduation in six
months. But this was not going to be just any Friday.
This is one Friday I will never forget as long as I
live. First of all let me introduce myself to you. My
name is Chanda Weaver. I'm 23. I'm a average 23 year
old female. Long brown hair, greenish blue eyes, 5 foot
7, slender build. I was seeing Shane ever since I was
in the 8th grade. Shane and I had met when his family
moved on the same street as us. They use to live in
another town but his fathers job brought him to Marretville,
I always thought he was so cute and had the biggest
crush on him, But was afraid to express my feelings
to him. One day I was walking to school and I saw him
leaving his front porch to walk to school and he yelled
out to me to wait up for him. So we walked to school
together that day and just talked and talked, and we
have been together ever since . We were the perfect
high school couple. Everyone hated us because we seemed
so happy together, We were always inseparable. We would
walk to school together. He would walk me to my classes,
Sit together at lunch, And walk home. Study together,
And then when night would arrive, Shane would go home
and we would do this all over the next day. Weekends
were different, We would usually catch a movie and some
pizza or go to a local party.
After high school Shane and I went to the same college
in Indiana. Sex was really never a issue until about
a year ago. Then Shane started asking me hows come we
don't make love ? I always told him, "I guess it's because
I feel sex is sacred and I want to make sure I save
myself for my husband" He would always give me that
" Roll his eyes look at me" And tell me " Chan, You
know how much I love you and we have been together for
over 6 years now. I think it's high time we take our
relationship one step further" I don't know what made
me give into him. I guess it was that smile, those eyes
and that baby face. So I told him to plan a special
evening for just the two of us.
The evening came and he picked me up on a Wednesday
evening, We went to a fancy restaurant and he took me
back to his place. He was living on his own with a roommate
and the roommate was out for the evening as well. Shane
lit a few candles and put on some soft rock music. We
were sitting on the couch side by side and he had his
arm around me, He was so close to me I could feel his
heart pounding in my chest. I knew I loved him and I
wanted him as much as he wanted me. We glanced over
at each other and just stared into each others eyes
, Seemed like he looked at me for over 15 minutes, But
soon he leaned in and kissed me very deeply. Before
I knew it I was lying on my back with my top off. Shane
and I had fooled around lots of times, But something
seemed different about this time. It was more sensual
and I could feel Shane had such passion for me. He was
looking more and more into my eyes and telling me how
lucky he was to have me. Then he even told me how beautiful
I was. His hands started wondering down to my jeans
and to the zipper. His touches were so soft and I could
feel him melting into me. As he removed my jeans and
my panties, Before I knew it, Shane was deep inside
me. I have never felt such a feeling like this before.
The more Shane looked into my eyes, The deeper and stronger
the emotions grew. Shane was so wonderful, He treated
me like I was so delicate and he fulfilled my every
need. After we were done, I just laid there in his arms,
He held me for what seemed like hours. Everything was
Well a day went by and I never heard from Shane, I
didn't think much of it, I just figured he was cramming
for a test or something. I called and left a message
on his phone, But he never returned it. The next day
there was a knock at my door. I figured it was Shane,
But it was his best friend Lance. I could tell by the
look on his face something was wrong. Lance just grabbed
me and embraced me. I broke away from him and looked
at him and asked him what in the world was wrong? He
looked at me even more and with a crack in his voice
he said "Chan, I'm so sorry" Sorry !?!? , Sorry for
what ?? What in the world have you done Lance? I was
shouting for him to explain what was so wrong. With
the tears rolling down his face, I knew something was
drastically wrong. "Chan, It's Shane, He was in a terrible
car accident this morning,.... I'm sorry hun,..... He's
gone" I feel to the ground, And just laid there and
cried, I screamed over and over, NO !!! How could this
have happened ?? We were together just the other night.
We had a perfect night.
Lance and I just laid there and embraced each other
and cried. I looked at Lance and told him about the
other night and how special Shane made me feel. How
much we loved each other. Why in the hell would someone
take him away from me? How could they do this? Lance
had no answers on why this had to happen. He told me
about the accident. He was driving to his parent's house
and was struck by a on coming van. The driver was high
on drugs and very intoxicated. The driver of the van
was not hurt, just some small bruises. He was taken
right off to jail. "I hate that man" I shouted !! He
will rot in jail for the rest of his life for all I
care. I looked at Lance and told him I needed to be
alone. "I don't think that's a good idea ,Chan" Lance
said painfully. "It's ok," I have to deal with this
Lance" You can't bring him back, I shouted, And us crying
like this will not bring him back, With tears still
rolling down my face, I told Lance to please let me
be. All I heard was Lance walking to the door and a
soft sound of the door slam shut.
I cried and cried for days, I didn't leave my apartment.
All I could do was look at old photographs of Shane
and I. Love letters he had written to me, Cards, Presents,
even a Rose he had sent me. I saved everything. I never
knew I would be looking at them and thinking of all
the memories Shane and I shared.
I just held the pictures close to my heart and weeped
over them.Several weeks went by and I still was not
able to get him out of my head. All I could do was lay
around and feel sorry for myself. I just couldn't seem
to pull myself together.
I was walking into the bathroom and there was a marking
on my mirror in a wine colored lipstick. The marking
said " I will always love you baby" I almost jumped
out of my skin when I seen this. Was I seeing things
?? I wiped my tear filled eyes again. But the marking
was still there. I put my hand over the mirror and just
felt it. My hand became very warm. I knew it was Shane,
He was there with me. I cried out to him, "Shane !!
Please don't leave me like this, How can I make it without
you?" And before I knew it, The light in my bathroom
went out. I reached for the switch to turn the light
back on, When I flipped it back on, I looked at the
mirror and the marking was gone.
Little things started happening around my apartment,
Like I would make the bed and when I came home, the
bed would be all messed up again. Or The dishes were
all put away, And when I came home from school, There
would be dishes still clean scattered on my counter.
Was I going crazy ?? What in the hell was happening
to me ? I called Lance and asked him to come over so
I could tell him what had been happening. When he arrived
we chit chatted for awhile and I told him the story
about the mirror and some of the other freaky things
that had been happening. He probably thought I was going
out of my mind or something. But he believed me, he
told me he knew that Shane was very much in love with
me. He probably was not ready to leave all of it behind
him. But Lance told me I had to get on with my life,
It had been 2 months since Shanes death and I still
hardly left my apartment, the only reason I would leave
was to go to school or the store. I never hung out with
my friends, Never went shopping anymore. I knew I had
to move on and put this all behind me. But how was I
suppose to do this ?
Graduation was in 4 months and after I graduate I was
going to move back to my home town in Wisconsin. My
parents,sister and most of my family were all there.
And I thought it would be for the best to go back home.
I knew I would take all my memories with me of Shane.
I would never forget the love we shared.
After school on Thursday some of my friends came up
to me and asked me if I wanted to go to this party Friday
night, I figured what the hell, I had not been out for
over two months now, I figured it was time I start enjoying
my life again. I went home and as I was unlocking my
door it slowly opened before I could even turn the knob.
I peaked in and asked who was there? But no answer.
OK Dammit !!! I know someone is in here now stop playing
games with me. But still no answer. I decided not to
go in, I went down the road where Lance lived and told
him what had happened. He asked me if I wanted him to
go back with me ? I told him it should be ok, then I
filled him in about the party tomorrow night and asked
him if he would like to join me. He looked at me kinda
funny and said " Chan? You asking me out on a date?"
"Well...I paused for a second and replied, Sure, why
not? " Lance looked at me and said " What the hell,
Sure, Why not"
I headed back to my place and this time I unlocked the
door. I went in and did not see anything unusual. I
started doing my usual routine with eating, homework,
and watching my favorite show on television. I headed
to my bed about 9:30pm, Turned on the light to find
a un-made bed again. I just chuckled, OK Shane, What
are you up to again ? There was a sound of silence,
I got into my pajamas and sat down on my bed. I said
very calmly, " Shane? We need to have a talk" I know
I'm not going out of my mind and I know your here with
me, And that's fine, But you have got to stop these
silly games, your freaking me out. I knew he could hear
me. I felt his presence. I layed down in my bed and
I knew he was right beside me.
The next day went by very fast, I got home at my usual
time. I was getting ready for the party. I had no clue
what I was going to ware, For I had not been shopping
for months. But I picked my black leather skirt with
the red sweater. I got in the shower and when I was
getting out the bathroom was very steamed up. I glanced
over to the mirror and there was something wrote on
it, It said " Why Lance?" I shouted, "Because Shane,
He was your best friend, He's the only one who has helped
me through all of this. He's been there for me every
step of the way. Anyways, Were just going as friends.
What the hell am I doing? I'm talking to myself for
crying out loud !! I've got to stop this or it's going
to make me go crazy. You hear me Shane, This has to
come to a stop ! And I mean it ! Another marking went
across the mirror " But I love you"
"And I love you to", "But I have to move on" If I don't
move on, I'll never find anyone else. And I will end
up going insane.
I got dressed and headed for the door. Lance and I went
to the party and had a wonderful time. For the first
time in months I danced, laughed and had fun. We left
the party about midnight and came back to my place.
I asked him to come in, So we went in and sat down and
just talked till 3am. "Geez, Time sure flies" I said
,He looked at me and told me he had a great time tonight,
"Thanks for asking me" He said. "Aw anytime, I'm glad
I finally left the apartment" I said with a chuckle.
We both just hugged each other and he left.
I knew Lance and I were just friends, I really didn't
want anything more. He was there for me when I needed
him and I was very grateful for that. I graduated from
school and moved back home. It was probably the hardest
thing I could do, As I was packing up my apartment I
ran across things Shane had bought for me. I was not
willing to part with anything. I took it all with me.
And in my heart, I took Shane with me.
It's been over a year now and I still rarely date. I've
been out a few times but nothing big. I'm a graphic
designer for a toy company. So I get to work with a
bunch of big kids. I live with my younger sister Tara.
She's 23 and is employed at the same company as myself.
When it comes to men, Tara can walk the walk and talk
the talk. She's such a big flirt, men just eat it up.
She was telling me about this man named Brett, he works
on the 3rd floor and is a web programmer. Tara told
me that she told Brett about me and he sounded interested.
Brett is 28, Single, Dirty Blonde Hair, Green eyes and
has a body to die for she said. I was like, "Wow !!
and I have never seen him around here ??"
Tara said "I guess not, But I hope your ready to meet
him because I have hooked the two of you up for a lunch
date today" I was hysteric and said " You did what ?!?!?!
"Calm down big sis," Tara laughed. "It's cool, you
and him seem like you have a lot in common" "Your suppose
to meet him at Ritzers at 1pm" Tara said. "Ohh my goodness
Tara ! I don't even look good today, How in the world
could you go and do a thing like this?" I asked. "It's
fine Chan, You look just fine, Go to the restroom and
do yourself up a bit and everything will be just fine"
So I headed to the restroom and looked in the mirror,
I do look fine I said with a smile, Wait a minute, How
in the world is he going to even know who the world
I'-am,? I asked myself. Hope she told him what I look
I headed out the door and headed for Ritzer's, I walked
in and looked around, I spotted a very handsome man
to the left in a booth looking at me and smiling. I
figured that must be Brett. I walked over to him and
asked if he was Brett? He replied with a "I sure am.",
and you must be Chanda as he stood up to shake my hand,
then he took my hand and kissed it ever so gently. "Well
thank-you", How sweet I said.
Brett and I talked over lunch and had a very nice time,
But unfortunately our lunch had to end so soon on the
account we were on our hour break at work. But Brett
asked me to dinner that same night. I accepted, And
told him where I lived, We decided to go to "Slim City"
It's a restaurant that has awesome food. It's one of
my favorite places to eat. He picked me up around 7:30
pm, After dinner we went to a local park where we sat
by the lake and talked for hours. Before I knew it,
It was past midnight. Thank goodness It was Friday and
I did not have to work the next day. Brett and I seemed
to hit it off and have been dating now for 8 months.
We have talked about moving in with each other. I know
I love him and he is such a great man. I know he will
make a wonderful father someday and I have no doubt
in my mind I want to be with him, But still in the back
of my head is the memories of Shane. I know he will
never come back to me, But I will always carry him in
my heart. I know he is happy that I have found someone
who loves me and wants to take care of me. I have told
Brett about Shane and he knows my feelings about it.
But like I say. "The memories will remain deep in my
heart, And the love will be there beside it. But I have
to lock it up and tuck it away. For I have moved on,
But in my heart he will stay. "