Dear Honey Bear,
It's been nine months now, since we called it off, and five since we last were together, and still you occupy my thoughts. At night, I toss and turn, trying so hard to forget you, then fall asleep and find you there, haunting me still in my dreams. I remember a time when I could not wait to sleep again and see your face, feel your touch, taste your kiss. Now those sweet memories are as nightmares, tormenting me so.
If only I knew the words to say, that I know I could have said, that would have kept you with me. Countless times I've sought to find them, and yet still they remain unknown to me. Even if I could find them now, is it too late? Have you moved on so quickly? I know time has passed, but for me it seems only yesterday that we were laughing and holding hands, sneaking kisses and planning our lives. I know you were scared, so was I. You are probably scared still, I know I am. I wish I had you to comfort me, I wish I could comfort you as well. If only I had made you talk to me.
There are so many things I wish I hadn't done, hadn't said, and at the same time, so many things I wish I had. I wish I knew the words to say to tell you how I feel, I'm certain in my heart that there is something, or was, something I should have said, and if I had I could be holding you now instead of writing this, a letter I know you'll never see. I feel so weak now. My mother always told me, if you find the one you think you're supposed to be with, don't let them get away, if you do you'll regret it for the rest of your life. I already do. I know it would have been hard, but the more I think about it, the more I know we could have made it. I loved you so much then, and still do to this day. It wouldn't have mattered what we had to struggle through, we could have made it ... and wouldn't the struggle have been better then the separation? My heart tells me that it would have. At least then we would have been together in our fight.
I miss you so much, Honey Bear. I wish I hadn't let you get away from me. I love you.
Love always,
Baby |
