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| What Can Be |
| by Ron |
Dear Cindy,
Every day my love for you grows more. I fall in love over and over again. My only thoughts are of what I can do to make you happy, to allay your fears and restore your faith and love and trust in me and for me. The more I love you though the more I fear losing you. I have no idea the thoughts, feelings and memories that haunt you and keep you from loving me the way that I want and need you to. I only know that what ever it is that effects you so deeply must be real and profound and that only you can work through what is confusing you so. But know that I am here for you a new and changed man ready to give you everything I have in my heart and soul to help you.
What and who I always thought you were is not what or who you have become or are becoming. I only hope and pray that the journey you are on of self discovery includes me when you reach the end of that journey. The last eight weeks have been a time of self discovery for me too. I have looked inside myself to see who I am, what I want and what kind of future that I want ... I am Ron, Cindy's husband, a man who adores and worships her, a man who loves her unconditionally, who respects her and only wants the best from himself for her and only wants the best that life has to offer for her. I am a man who thinks his wife is the most beautiful, sexy and desirable women and a man who wants no other women other than his wife. I am the father of her children, a man who conceived his children with love with their mother and wants to raise them with the love and by the side of their mother. I am a father who wants to teach his sons what he has learned about respect, love, honor and above all else appreciation of and for a women that they will love. I am a father whose wife and children are the most important things in his life and will never do anything to jeopardize that. What this man wants is a family that enjoys doing things together, finds joy with each other and learns from each other. I am a man who wants a wife who feels the same way and looks at me adoringly and who I can arouse the same passion for me in her as she does for me. I am a man who wants to work hand in hand and heart to heart with his wife to have a future where each day is better than the day before. I am a man who wants to know his wife's interests, fears, passions, wants needs and desires so I may help her realize them or support her in her pursuit of them.
That is who I am and what I want - no money, no big house, no cool job, just those things. These are what truly matter to me now.
Cindy, I know you have been disappointed by so many, taken advantage of by people you trusted. I know you have been belittled and minimized. I know you have been what others have wanted you to be and that you lost youself even before you even knew who you were. I am so sorry that those things happened to you and I regret and accept my part in some of those things. But I will spend the rest of my life making up to you for that transgression.
Baby, so much of what happens in life is pure chance, had I not gone into Chili's that night there would be no sweet natured, polite boy Tyler, there would be no stubborn strong willed, aggressive little boy Logan and Jonathan may or may not have had the benefit of a father. Your life and mine would be drastically different - maybe better, maybe worse. Think back to all the major things in your life, the drastic changes good and bad. If you follow them back to the source they were mostly pure chance that takes us down those paths. From the people we meet, the jobs that we take to the traffic light that holds us an extra five minutes and changes our day completely ... all chance, all luck.
But the decision that you will make regarding us is free will - not chance, not luck but a thought out decision that will have profound effects and changes on so many lives. We, going our separate ways, might work out for the better but it is still an unknown thought. I can't say what is best for you. I can only say what is best for the boys, you and me as a couple and all of us as a family. Cindy, if we weather this together there is nothing that can ever break us apart. We will be so far down the road, more mature, more secure and more in love than ever before.
I want you to know that the Ron you fell in love with is still here inside of me but there is more, there is a mature man here now - a man who truly understands what love means, a man who now understands what honoring a woman he loves requires. A man who will spend his life showing and proving his love every day and a man who will put your happiness above his own because he loves you so much.
Your disappointment and fears that you feel resonate in me, I feel them and I hurt for you: for the hurt, uncertainty and fear that you are living with. It also scares me to think that the love I feel and the effort I am applying to prove my love and desire for you may not be enough to sooth and calm your hurt, fears and disappointments. If you let yourself, I believe you can find a life that satisfies you right here. I believe if you let go and let me in to your heart, that your desires and passions for me can be rekindled. I know that I love you enough to let you grow and blossom into the person you want to find and become. I believe that we can be closer than ever, learn more about each other and become one with each other. In other words I believe in us.
You only know the pain, hurt and neglect of this relationship. Your basis for comparison to what you imagine could be is skewed by the bad memories of the past. If you let me in, let me prove to you that my change and feelings are profound and real I believe we can make it through. The ember of love that is glowing that is keeping this relationship together can be fanned to roaring flame of passion and love.
For better for worse, in sickness and in health till death do us part, I believe in that, I am committed to that. I will honor it gladly, happily with love and passion. You are what I want - what I need. In my eyes the sun rises and sets with you, you color my world and bring joy to me. Cindy - you can be what you need to be. Become who you are seeking to become or are destined to become. You are so much more than I ever gave you credit for. You are truly an exceptional and gifted woman who is capable of doing anything and I will never ever think anything less of you. I will always believe, respect and support you in anything you do. I will respect all your talent and skills, I will never disrespect you or think you not capable of anything because you have proved that you are an individual; whole person. A person with thoughts, feelings and opinions that have value and deserve honor and respect. You are a person that I will proud to call my wife, my lover and my friend. What I did not give in the past will flow freely from my heart to you now.
Cindy, you are my world, I am lost without you, I am a rudderless ship floating on stormy seas without you in my life. I love you so, so very much. My desire and lust for you burns hotter than the fire of the sun. When I look at you I see so much beauty, natural beauty and sensuality. For me, that will never change - I promise. If you let me and teach me, I will be the lover that you deserve. I receive so much pleasure and satisfaction when I see you smile or when you're happy and I know I had something to do with that happiness. I will spend the rest of my life as the happiest man on earth - simply by making you happy. I love you always and forever.
Love always,
Ron |
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