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| I can't forget you |
| by The Boy with a Thorn in his Side |
I'm alone. Abandoned. Forgotten and forsaken by everything that ever mattered to me. Don't shut me out. Please, I'm begging you. You are all I have, everything else is gone. I am hanging by a string to life. Sometimes wishing the string would be cut loose. Why can't you understand, my precious one. Do you know I exist? Do I mean anything to you? What have I ever done to deserve this? Sure, I have turned into a hideous monster. That's what I see when I look inside me. The monster has taken over. Invisible as it may seem, it will not let go. I am jealous of you. Liked by everyone. Not having to hide your true identity to the world. Are you too good for me? Yes, you are. Stay away from me if you know what is good for you. For I am nothing but a lie, deceiving everyone.
But you are my air. And although to you, I am nothing but a forgotten memory, I still love you madly. Why do you insist on ignoring me? I will be conformed with the crumbs from your table, just a small breeze to keep me alive. I cannot live without air, but my supply is ending. I would jump in front of a bullet for you, and you know it. So why do you keep on torturing me. Suffocate me already . Life is very long when your lonely, but you are the only one I want.
This monster still has some humanity left. But I cannot forget you and your intoxicating charm, like most could after the passage of time. I couldn't see myself with another, I wouldn't want to. But I've come to realize that any hope is futile. I know it's over, I am just clinging onto false illusions. If only you knew. If only you could hear my plea for mercy. If only you had any idea what I would give up for you to be by my side. I would give up everything.
But you also sleep alone. Who do you have? I don't know, but at least it seems like your happy. I wish I could say that your happiness is all that matters to me. It does, but why can't it be shared with me? Send me the pillow upon which you dream, and I'll send you mine. End my nightmare!!
I've never had anyone to love, never cared until I met you. But I was a coward. My chance had come at last. But a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask. Why couldn't I just tell you all the things I felt about you. Why did it have to be in a note on the day we parted. But then I saw you again. You wrote back. But you clearly did not have any feelings towards me. Which I suppose is understandable. Why would you?
But here I am a month later, half the world away. I want to speak to you. I need to. But I know you don't have any desire to even hear from me anymore. And what is there to say that wouldn't tear us further apart. We could be friends, like we used to be. But now things have changed. I could never go back to that stage. If I do, know that I am just pretending.
Why am I so obstinate on not changing my ways? The logical and sensible thing to do is move on, start a new life. Meet someone else. See where God leads me. But I'd never met someone like you, and doubt I ever will. So here I am wallowing in self-pity. You were perfect. You are my soulmate. We were meant to be. I've known you longer than just about anybody. You said when we were young, that one day we'd marry. You forgot. I didn't. That is the difference between us, that will forever divide us.
I will always love you,
The Boy With a Thorn in His Side. |
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