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| Keeping The Faith |
| by Roxanne |
I met Keith on the Internet in mid-summer. I was not looking for love, I was just looking for someone to chat with. I browsed through several different sections, and the only one that was basically looking for friendly chat, and no cyber, like myself, was Keith. We connected right away, and had lots of fun chatting back and forth, exchanging pictures. We got to know each other really good, and one night he asked for my phone number so he could phone me. He phoned me that same night and we talked for approximately 90 minutes. He was so sweet and caring, he complimented me, which I was not use to, he made me feel good.
We were both married once before, I had gone through an abusive marriage and divorce, and was out of my marriage for almost 6 years. He was only out of his marriage for 3 months, and he was still friends with his ex-wife. When he said he wanted to meet me, it felt so wonderful, he made me feel that maybe I do have a second chance at love, but in the back of my mind I also knew that he had just separated from his wife and having gone through this myself, I felt that maybe he was not ready. I tried not to think about that as we prepared to meet each other, we lives a long ways away from each other, and a lot of travel was involved.
At first we decided that we would meet halfway, but he could only come for the weekend. I felt that since I had a week's vacation coming up, and I also felt that a weekend may not be long enough. I offered to come to his hometown and meet him. He agreed to this and so it was set. Around mid-August just over a month after we met on the Internet, I flew to meet him.
Our initial meeting went just fine, aside from being very nervous, I think we hit it off really well. I hugged him when he came, and after a few minutes he kissed me passionately. After that kiss I felt that I was in heaven. He was everything I expected and hoped for in a man. We did some sight seeing that day, we talked and got to know each other a bit more, and that night we went to his apartment. We didn't make love, he said he wasn't ready for that, but we kissed and caressed each other passionately, which was just fine with me, I felt things for him that I never felt before. The next morning we decided to go for a 2 hour drive to see a few sights. On our way there he informed me that he just wanted to be friends, that he was not ready for a relationship, he had this feeling that we wouldn't work out. I was devastated, how could he make such a judgment of me so soon. I got upset, not because he only wanted to be friends, but because he was so quick to judge me, this was not the person I knew on the Internet.
That night when we got back, we went for a walk, and right away he started talking about me going home. That he was not able to drive me back to the airport on Friday due to work. I felt right away that I was not welcomed, not even as a friend. We argued for a while back and forth, and I told him to take me back to the apartment.. After we got back we finally made up, and we kissed and caressed again.
I still couldn't get it out of my head that I was not welcomed there, for the rest of the week, I felt that he couldn't wait until I left, and for the rest of the week I tried to convince myself why I shouldn't like this person. But it was not that simple, I have dated a lot since my divorce, and the way I felt for him, it was more than just dating, and friendship, I began to realize that I was in love with him. I didn't want to be, I know he didn't care for me, but some things just can't be helped.
He kept telling me that he wasn't ready, which is fine with me. He withdrew from me physically, by the end of the week, he barely came near me. I had to physically move close to him.
While I was there he worked during the day, and we were together during the evenings. I was trying to be considerate of his feelings, and I wouldn't push to do anything when he got home from work, I would let him decide. I didn't want to stress him further after having a stressful day at work. He confessed to me one day that he wanted a woman with her own mind, to be able to make decisions for herself. He said that I seemed to be that person on the Internet, but in person he felt I was not. I told him that in trying to be considerate of his feelings, I made myself look bad, that I would have lost which ever way I did it. If I had been making decisions for us to do things before he got home from work, he would have thought how inconsiderate of me, making plans after he had worked a long day, and expected him to come home and go on the town again. But because I was considerate of him working all day, I was not my own person, I couldn't make decisions on my own.
He brought me to the airport a day early, I spent my last night in a hotel room alone. He had to work the next day, and had some very important meetings. I tried to be understanding of that. It was very stressful for me being at his home, while he worked all day, and trying to show him the person I truly was. I believe from the start that he closed his eyes to the real me, he only saw what he didn't like about me. I begged him for a second chance, that we would try this again in 6 months, after he had time to think about his own life and after his divorce became more of a reality to him. He said maybe, but I don't know if that was to get me off his back or if it was the truth.
I have been back now for almost a week, I still think of him constantly, and I pray every day that he will phone me. What I truly miss about all of this is our fun times talking on the Internet at night, and chatting on the phone, we were able to laugh and carry on like we were lifelong friends, and now it is gone. I hope and pray that I will get my Internet friend back, and I also hope and pray for a SECOND CHANCE.....I BELIEVE FATE BROUGHT US TOGETHER FOR A REASON.
Roxanne |
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