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| Luckiest Girl in the World |
| by Nancy |
I was in a marriage that was never meant to be. I knew from "I do" that I was not with the one who I felt made me a better me. I had a lot of pressure to marry this "man" because of the circumstances.
I met Pat in April of 2000 at my house in Jacksonville, NC. My husband was a Marine and was at a school in Missouri. Pat was my neighbors friend and they were going out one night and asked me if I would like to go because I was very young and had not made many friends there, yet. I accepted the invitation and got ready to go out with my new friend.
For the next two weeks, Mike, Pat and I spent every minute together that we were not at work. Road trips to Fayetteville, Myrtle Beach...
On one particular trip to see our friends band play, we were all talking about marriage. Mike was married, I was married (but I knew for not much longer because I sensed a demise of that relationship in the near future) and Pat had never been married, engaged or even really ever said " I love you" to anyone. Mike got up to go to the restroom and Pat told me that if I wasn't married, he would want to kiss me. I felt the same way, but I knew that it wasn't the right way.
Later that night after going to see the band, I came back to the hotel room and was going to go to bed. Mike was already asleep and I was not feeling well because I had had my wisdom teeth pulled about two days before and it was getting to me. Pat came back unexpectedly and said he wasn't having any fun. I asked him why and he told me that he couldn't talk to the girls in the club because he was hung up on me. We talked for awhile and then out of nowhere, he kissed me. I will tell you that it was the most wonderful kiss I had ever experienced. I felt the world stop in its tracks, but we stopped at that one kiss because I was married and it wasn't right.
Pat left to go home for military leave about a week later and I took him to the airport. He told me he was going to miss me and I found myself already missing him. He called me when he got there to make sure I had gotten home alright from the airport as it was three hours away from Jacksonville.
While he was gone, I received a phone bill. Ordinarily, I would not have opened it because the bills were paid by my husband and I had no reason to, but since he was away, I was responsible for doing the bill paying. That is when I discovered an $800 phone bill to a number in Greenville, a few towns away. I called the number and it was my husband's girlfriend that he had been seeing for who knows how long.
I decided right then and there that I was not going to try to work this out with him because I already had wandering feelings and he obviously did, too and it was only 9 months into our marriage.
But while Pat was away, I met someone else. I do not know if I was just revelling in my freedom from a bad relationship, or if I was so young that I didn't see what was best for me, but I began to erase Pat from my agenda and date Kevin.
When Pat returned, I told him what was going on, and he took it easy. Too easy. He bagan to bring girls around (which I later was told by him to make me jealous) But I ignored that fact and continued on in a rocky relationship with Kevin. He cheated on me, too, but for some reason I was willing to forgive him in spite of it and moved to Maryland when his Unit was transferred there in October. (Pat was also in that unit and would move there as well)
Kevin and I were together for ten months and he broke it off with me because we were just not right for each other. He was a bit younger than I, and he couldn't keep his faithfulness to our relationship. Guess who was there when I had no one to turn to? Pat. I decided that a better move for me was to go home to may parents in Florida. I had just turned twenty and so much had already happened in my life, that I just needed the comfort of my parents and a stable life.
I was miserable when I moved. I had no friends, and I wasn't used to that. Pat was right there for me. He called me every night and it finally came down to a visit. He flew to Florida to see me and we were together. After a few trips to see one another, he asked me to marry him. I loved him, so I said yes, but in my heart I knew it wasn't the right time. I hung on because of Sept. 11, and Pat was stationed right outside of D.C. so I was worried. I thought maybe once we were actually in the same town dating it might get better. But in January, I decided it would be best to end my relationship with Pat. I dated here and there and wound up with someone in my town whom I worked with.
Another bad relationship. I knew Pat was THE ONE, but I just wanted to have fun. And I was having fun until I became pregnant in March of 2002. The guy I was dating decided that it was too much, and ended it. I was devastated. I was pregnant with his child and he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Pat and I had kept in touch even after our breakup. We were best friends before, and I would never allow us to not at least be friends.
I told Pat the news, and he was angry,but told me he STILL loved me and wanted to marry me. It took several visits, and many months of phone calls, but a month ago, I said yes...again. This time I mean it. This time I can't imagine my life without him. After all I've done, after everything, Pat still wants me. He wants to be the father of Kennedy (due in December) he wants to take care of me, in spite of all I am guilty of. I can't imagine a better more pure love than that. And it made me realize, that I have loved him, but I was afraid to commit to a relationship that I deserved. I would rather have been with a man who I knew it wouldn't last with because then I wouldn't have to commit. But Pat is such a good man and I know he is ready to be everything I need him to be. And now, I am ready to be everything he needs me to be. Is it a fairytale romance? To me it is. Could things be easier? Yes, but then I wouldn't have known what I should have known all along. Pat is truly in love with me, and I with him, and obviously nothing, NOTHING is going to stand in our way. We've made it through the bad times, and I am sure there will be more, but at least we can say we've done it! |
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